Spectrum of Dependency
There is something called the dependency spectrum. It’s made up of 5 distinct stages. It is a way to conceptualize our journey through life and how we interact with our world around us.
Dependence: we all start as dependants. This happens from conception right to the early teenage years. The mother figure plays a critical part in the stage. She plays the major role here. This is a very important stage, as it gives us our Humanity and teaches us Our Shared Humanity.
Independence: this is the next phase where we start questioning our place in this world. This is usually what is characterised by the famous 'teenage crisis’. The goal is to Define our Identity and Our Place in this World what we need now is a strong sense of direction and mentorship. This is where the father figure in the life of a child is critical, prominent and shines brightest. This is not the time to cower and just give anything to them. It is time to establish what the boundaries of common sense and societal expectations are, then they are guided to make the right choices in life. We should leave this stage as quickly as possible.
Interdependence or Collaborativeness: this is the stage after the independence. We know what we are capable of giving to society in the independence stage, but we know we cannot achieve everything we desire by that alone. So we seek others who need what we have and have what we need and form an effective community around our lives. This where marriage and work happens. This stage teaches us Effective Collaborativeness and this is where our productivity is highest, where we live longest in life. For women, especially with respect to marriage should start their journey from 18-20 years. For guys, maximum you start your journey at the age of 21; it can be earlier, as a matter of fact the earlier the better, provided independence is effectively navigated. Being independent, strong or weak is not a thing to be proud of after these ages, it should go without saying.
Dependability: this is the stage that is entered when we start giving birth to children and have mentees in our work. They are not in the stage to give you anything but you pour yourself into them, not for yourself but for the good of humanity or some higher ideal, greater than you. This is ultimate test of your character and humanity learnt earlier. This teaches us Love and Sacrificial Living. Here you are on your way to transcendence.
Transcendence: it is a balance between vulnerability and selflessness. This is the stage when you are unable to operate at your full strength and will need your community which you have built and EMPOWERED all through your life around you to protect you from the wicked that prey on the weak and you in turn reward this system finally with all you have worked for all through your life, keeping nothing for yourself. At this point the goal is not to achieve independence, rather it is to live in rest. This stage finally teaches you Wisdom and your Legacy. Your legacy is your unique wisdom which your life gives back to humanity. What your life is all about; your consolation when you leave for the world after this.
This is the spectrum of life we have to pass through.
Takeaways
Firstly it is therefore unwise for grown adults to pride themselves as independent strong women (or men for that matter). That’s what you should be doing at different stages of your teenage years. Not as an adult. You should be seeking on how to move on to effective collaboration with different people in society, whether in marriage or work, or the general society at large. You should start looking to build a good community around you so you can improve each other. By 18 for ladies and max 21 for young men...you should be out of the 'independence' stage totally.
Finally, the goal of life is to give all to the world...you must endeavour to acquire as much as it has been given to you by God, and make up your mind to give as much as you can before you die.
Kingsley.